Religion?

Religion is an identity. One more identity along with many others. It is an identity we live with every day - for MOST of us, it decides how we eat, dress, pray, marry, live and exit strategy. And this is an identity that is far more longer and deeper than our identity as a citizen of a sovereign country. You like it or not, whether this is ideal or not, this is how we live, atleast as of now. Whether this identity is deeper than our identity as a citizen is very much debatable and varies from person to person. “Idea of India” cannot be something a bunch of people who called themselves “founding fathers” defined in 1947.

So, my question is, in a country that celebrates diversity and wishes to uphold it (I think) - why should we have to hesitate/scoff at proclaiming this identity – who decided to attach a taboo to religion? When I say, I am an IT professional or a mother or a Dhoni fan, nobody tells me, “Hey, but you are an Indian first and we are all equal”. So why is mention of religion and caste frowned upon, when it is a reality we live with every day – isn’t it presumptuous to think people identifying with a religion and caste can only be regressive and divisive? The real problem is about hypocrisy and demonizing/wishing away something so much, that it became the elephant in the room. Ordinary people and harmless citizens are made to feel bad when they identify with a religion and caste – whereas it is totally NORMAL/REVOLUTIONARY to put up an elevated pedestal with loudspeakers talking about others’ religion and caste. Me identifying with my religion and caste destroys the “idea of India”, but NOT people addressing hundreds and thousands of others about every caste and religion but their own or about all castes and religion put together. Real change should be about calling out this bluff, and not about imposing taboos on religion and caste for the average man and expecting people to change who they are or what they know about their identity. When we expect people to be ashamed of their religion as identity, we have already conceded that there can be no Unity in Diversity, unless there is an intermediate sameness factor. The idea of India is simply too fuzzy/complex, but stronger and deeper than what people can imagine or hope to achieve with forced ideals like secularism. And Indians shouldn’t be expected to dumb down to fit into SOME people’s unidimensional theories and logic boxes.

So, what really happened? If I were to write a hilarious satire – the script would go like this -  somewhere, a group of people who had a large identity crisis with respect to religion, called themselves free thinkers and liberals, but couldn't stand how much the religious/believers were at peace with their religious identity. So, what they tried to do was force their identity crisis on us, believers. They defined that religion must be personal, meaning if you really must have anything to do with it, no one needs to know. But in India, we don’t live like that – expressing is second nature, we are not known for our subtlety - it is who we are. Archimedes shouted Eureka once and the world can’t stop talking about it, Eureka is a way of life in India. We marvel at everything, we celebrate everything, we fight, we are passionate, we can bow down to everything, we laugh together, we cry together - really our culture is one big song and dance. Telling us suddenly to be ashamed/downplay who we are, is sort of like caging us back again. Only a deeply joyless Western ideal/ism can define such rules for us.

"Why I am a Hindu"- I don’t have any such identity crisis. I am a Hindu and I can be one, without having to be Indian at the same time, and I can be Indian without being restricted by the fact that I am a Hindu. I don’t have a problem with my identity and I don’t expect anyone to have problems with me proclaiming this identity. And this is the same of any religion - Christianity, Islam, Sikhism, Parsi, Jainism etc. and should be the same of any caste, language as well. There will always be some ups and downs in society and inequalities, but that won’t be levelled out by parroting hypocritical narratives that don’t mean much in everyday, practical life. It is the same sham as some liberals/feminists thumping their chests and imagining that women's rights and progress happened because of some people on the streets and placards. You may push and push and push a woman to go out and work, but it will never happen until there are jobs that don’t need brute strength and working in harsh conditions. The growth of technology and digitalization made sure physical strength and skills that were unique to men were irrelevant and we needed the kind of skills which both men and women could provide equally. Society evolves by discovery - of self and of needs and opportunities around us, by inventions and innovations and not by ideologies and theories. Most importantly, it evolves by active contribution.

Coming back to my favourite - religion :) - Expecting citizens to push back their religious identity as a necessary condition for the country's unity is well, it will just be an expectation, far removed from reality, it will be a sham and subversion of how people genuinely feel and how they live. When every other identity is valid and legitimate and considered healthy for a nation, why not religion and caste? A society must be able to extract the best of diversity, not judge which differences are needed and which should be done away with. India is still a very religious country. Most people atleast. AND we must be very proud of that. If not, we must ACCEPT this. As normal and healthy.

Unwritten Rule: Return Gifts!

I couldn't afford to take it easy - at least not like the other tasks I fervently undertake - making dhabba lists or making my daughter's scrapbook or even doing finger painting with her every Sunday. This was huge and a big deal and the real acid test for being 'the perfect mommy'. My daughter was going to be 4 and unlike other birthdays, I had a distinct intuition that I just couldn't run with the usual cake-cutting and dinner-out-with family routine. My daughter's individuality and earliest opinions of her life was carved when imagining how her birthday should be celebrated. She had utilized every birthday party opportunity to make her own opinions of the 'hows' and 'whats' of birthday parties. She had seen and learnt enough to know that these 'things' should not be left to parents alone - she needs to spell out her requirements 'loud and clear' - else the 'kaamchors' that they are, her parents will take the easy way out.

Thus began our plan and the first of the many shopping trips to find the 'perfect' everything - cake, refreshments, invites, entertainment, games etc. I thought I could at least decide who I could call for my toddler's b'day party. But my daughter reinstated at every available opportunity that it was HER b'day and it was either 'Her way or Her Way'. So my list went from 15 children to about 32 children, because she reasoned out that she couldn't ignore children she played with maybe once a year or saw in the corridor once in a while while running up and down the stairs and not to forget children she never knew, but whose parents usually gave wonderful gifts. Fair enough. Long story short, we did finally manage to meet her expectations - 2 cakes instead of 1, colour coordinated decorations and invites, party games, refreshments with high junk quotient.  But we never knew the best was saved for the last.

By then our budget had spiraled somewhat out of control, but what the hell! it is our only daughter's special day. Then my daughter matter-of-factly asked me, 'Ma what about return gifts'? I was mentally and physically not prepared. I tried to reason with my daughter that nobody would mind because the food, music, cake and games were all lavish and brilliant. She wouldn't hear any of it - she told me wisely that none of the other things mattered if there were no return gifts. I thought she was being dramatic. But she was adamant and in hindsight, I thank her for drilling sense into my out-of-date, laid back mind. I finally had to give in - does any parent have an alternate choice especially when it is a birthday in question?

I reminisced about the no-frills, but meaningful birthdays my parents gave me. 'Ma let's go now' - she shook me from my useless reverie. The hunt for the return gifts turned out to be the mother of all birthday party efforts - 32 meaningful gifts - alike but customized to the sex and age of every child and wrapped and packed likewise. It meant finding the one shop that had the number of gifts I needed, in the budget I needed and the way I wanted. I was tearing my hair in agony wondering, who invented this concept of return gifts? Sheer torture for 'far from ideal' parents like me!

Come D-Day and my daughter is in the best of spirits. We have a gala party, play games and there is a boisterous debate on who gets the Barbie's head, crown, face, shoes and everything in between. After a frantic, helpless intervention and what seems like an amicable agreement, the cake is cut and I manage to calm the kids with a platter of cake and food. I mentally made a note that anything that is remotely home-made or healthy gets passed or wasted. Then the children get restless and I know its time for them to go home, so I am ready to bid them goodbye when they remind me that I am forgetting something. I realize my grave error and rush to get the gifts and ruefully moan that I have not named or packed them according to sex or age. So I let them open the gifts and exchange it themselves and lo! the most fierce childish battlefield unleashes in the very confines of the place that had dancing feet and smiling faces, just awhile ago. Wrapping paper flew all over the place - 'Reduce, Reuse, Recycle' be damned! There were children crying, screaming, sulking and I had to finally call parents to drag wailing kids away from my house. Despite my best efforts, I felt tired, shaken and extremely sad to have invited children over to my place, only to return home crying. The only saving grace were some wonderful kids who came up to me and said 'Aunty, thank you for the beautiful party'.

There are a lot of things you realize about yourself, your child and children in general at a kids' birthday party. Most of them wonderful, but some of them are unsettling - like how we feel it is alright that children are conditioned to expect something in return for something they give or how we unwittingly let children imagine they are entitled to everything they want. It is unsettling how our sense of right and wrong flies out the window when it is our children in question - how children bring the best, but also the 'worst' in us. Family feuds over property is most definitely because we want it for our children, most of us become materialistic after we have children. We cease to believe in good manners once we have children - we think its okay to let our children misuse apartment premises, run amok in restaurants, throw tantrums in public and lastly that its okay for them to sulk and be disappointed or bored at their age. Why cant we reserve the fairy tales for bedtime alone and acquaint them with real people and the real world? What is so wrong with saying 'No' or saying 'I cant do it' or 'I cant afford it' or 'You don't need it'? What is so wrong about expecting them to be polite, kind and simple?

Like everything to do with children, it is a battle between reason and affection. But I do not believe in overdoing things for children and so its always best to stick to the truth. Talk to them, sell them your simple problems and grandiose ideals. Be creative - give them new and meaningful ways to do something, encourage them to be different and stand for what they think is right.

I have still not come to terms with the return gifts, hence birthday parties have flown out the window since my daughter turned 6. Its not been easy - but I am glad I have shown my daughter other ways to celebrate her birthday. It is up to us to teach children that life doesn't end when a door is closed, but that it gives you room for other possibilities. So what if they don't get a return gift or get the wrong one, nothing should wreck their endless party.

Speak Easy!

It finally comes off as a breath of fresh air when people can talk your language, quite literally. Especially after the much publicized, ultimately dud of a TV interview people were served up with some weeks ago. So its quite possible to speak exactly to the point, without being ambiguous and pretentious, grandiose even. It was a great read... RBI governor Raghuram Rajan's talk with Mumbai school children couple of weeks back was a brilliant piece for a number of reasons and not just because he said that 'ours' will be one of the greatest economies of the future. Leave alone, 'walking the talk and talking the walk', even 'talking the talk' is a generally tall ask.

The RBI governor's address comes as a bright gleam in a starless, mysterious backdrop that even the deepest and most complex things in the universe can be explained with clarity and ingenuity. He proved that 'simplicity is profound'. Because what indeed could be more demystifying and complex than explaining things like how banking interest rates work, how home loans get paid off, how inflation and insurance works. I have have always wondered why things meant to work 'for the people' are never really understood by them. You can never really explain interest rates except without a calculator or a spreadsheet. Or understand, don't worry. You never dare ask what is the work of a banker, economist or a policy maker involve. Those are deeply guarded secrets shrouded in secrecy and complexity by a very capable and successful cloak of jargons and financial rhetoric.

Simplicity and innocence are fast dwindling reserves and no one is aware or bothered even. The prime KRA of many of the top bosses in esteemed organizations and committees is to keep things off-limits to the common man, not by openly putting a 'No Entry' sign, but by complicating and encrypting it with names, numbers and policies that are not supposed to make sense to an ordinary man, so that RTI (Right to Information) cannot touch them. Don't worry, schools and hospitals are extremely competitive ( a proof of our thriving economy) and not ones to be left behind. Recently I heard a playschool claiming horrendous things like "path breaking and comprehensive solutions for quality learning and teaching" - please note you could interchange path breaking, comprehensive, quality and still make the same sense or nonsense. Where the hell is the child in the above corporate tag line? The hope in all this is that if we can chew and digest these, rocket science is not out of reach.

Anyone who knows his stuff well or is an expert ought to take his wares to the common man - be it arts, economics, politics and even finance - maybe that's what Rahul Gandhi secretly meant when he spoke of "empowerment". At least let's hope so! I wish people were as simple and entitled as that portrayed in the Maruti advertisement where after a long, scientific explanation, they can just ask, "Toh kitna deti hai", quite literally. So who will shout out about the "Emperor's new clothes" and ask naively, "But where are the clothes"?

The Mad, Mad Rush...

It's that time of the year when the nation is not only caught up in elections and seats, but where its citizens are scrambling for seats of another kind - school admissions for their kids. If you are a newly married couple or someone who has nothing to do with school-ready kids, you may ask - so what is the big deal? Well ask your dear friends who have or who are trying to gain admission for their precious cherubs - their decision awkwardly balancing between their idea of fine schooling and the devil in this case, affordability. Yes, newbies, marching your child off to the "perfect" school is a milestone and ordeal by itself. One wrong turn and you end up failing the society, your all knowing parents, parenting and lastly maybe your child even. Or so it seems.

Image from cheekywipes.com

So this piece is dedicated to the majority of the parents who feel lost, confused and burdened by a such a mammoth rite of passage. What should you consider while deciding your child's school? Is there room for error? A fair amount of reading up, asking around and visiting around certainly helps. At the very least, we should strive to understand a school's heart and soul by asking the right questions and picking up the right signals, whilst we choose, evaluate and finally zero-in on the right school.

Meeting with the different members of the school is like meeting with your future in-laws. It is meant to be hunky dory on the outside, but a lot of awkward questions and doubts lurk inside. Don't be fooled by the flash and flutter of honeyed words, pompous attitude and astronomical numbers. Just like a good match is made by understanding each other completely, no matter how awkward the questions, it is better to get it out of the way first.  So here's what you should know about your child's school:

Going the Distance: Some people really feel their child must 'go the distance' for the best schooling experience. If you ask me, no! Choose schools not beyond a 4 - 5 km radius,lesser if possible. Initially this may not matter, but in the long run, it will save you a lot of worry and energy. And trust me, with sick people out in the world, it is stomach churning, till your child gets home safe and sound especially if travelling by school, public or private transport. Travelling miles back and forth at such a tender age is not going to win them any extra points. Life is tough - don't give them a taste of it already!

Play, Plays and Place: Though there is a paradigm shift in parents' expectation of what a school should offer - some schools are still stuck in the previous generation. And mind you, that includes some so-called top schools too. That doesn't matter - we needn't follow the crowd, if at the end of the day, we are hoping for balanced, well rounded kids who have the freedom to explore and choose. That is where a school environment becomes pertinent - otherwise I know of many capable parents who can really home-school their kids. So if a school doesn't offer play, enough place to play, enough opportunities to play and be part of events, plays, programs and meets, don't even think about it.

Middle class approach: Yes class is preferable, middle-class is mandatory. Suffice to say, its always better to choose a school that understands parents being anxious about their kids, that is quite frugal when it comes to demanding money, that believes in courtesy, heritage, patriotism and lastly treats children as children - neither as demigods nor as guinea pigs. Schools that begin and end their conversations with their pass percentage, what they have achieved in the 'past', strict admission procedure or about how many branches they have across the city, country and the world will fail miserably here.

Communication & Platforms: Many people omit to evaluate these aspects. Remember the first few years, you will never know how your child is faring or even what is s/he doing at school. And they are also too small to tell you what happens at school. In such a scenario, a school needs to provide enough open house sessions, events and parent teacher platforms to help you understand what is happening at school. Also no school is big enough to NOT listen to a student or a parent. So no matter how small or grown up your child is, you just should not have a problem meeting the right people. A good school understands that its most important foundation is its students and parents.

Approach to Outliers: You can never hope to educate your child in a place which does not believe in equality. And that means, a school that does not differentiate between abilities, background, potential and nature of children. Do understand their approach to children from underprivileged backgrounds and children with challenges, not to mention children with a learning disability as well as difficult children. If you feel this matter doesn't concern you, then just pray your child does not turn out to be aggressive, hyper active, attention-deficit or even a laggard now or in the future. Schools that don't accommodate outliers, are sure to be intolerant to anything but the best, unless you are affluent and powerful.

Remember the heart of any schooling experience are the teachers and even in a great school, the schooling year is shadowed by the kind of teacher/s that your child is destined to be with. If you ask me, the quality of teachers is the deal clincher in any school and since teachers keep rotating in and around neighboring schools, every school has its list of good, bad and great teachers. So if you feel you are hearing the right things as far as the above aspects are concerned, don't be too worried about academics - definitely a school that gets these things right can pack a punch when it comes to academics and numbers.

Essentially, it means that the most popular school is necessarily not the best one. Any school that knows the art of academics and the pulse of children ought to get these right. Look for goodness, not greatness in a school. Don't dismiss a school because it is new - being in the first batches of a good school is very rewarding. Avoiding the pitfalls of hearsay and popular opinion, ask your questions, form your opinions and make an informed choice. And finally when you do decide, remember the only person you ought not to fail is your child. It sure is an exciting journey ahead!

HERE'S TO GREAT BEGINNINGS! CHEERS!

Resolve this New Year...

".... I never understand, but I believe. Help me hold on to it."

                                                                               - Anon

Are you one of those people who says, "New Year Resolution'....Nah!!! Despair not, you are not alone.But I was surprised though reading the list of New Year resolutions in the newspaper today and it hit me that, "Some people never give up". I was a naysayer too until a few years ago, but the tricky 30s kick in and alongwith it a sense of restlessness set in. Not just because it struck me that life can be meaningless even when and especially if it is perfect, but also because of the unsavory feeling that the best 30 summers and winters have already whizzed past you. I realized life can get pretty mean and miserly if you are way too complacent and even if you are way too comfortable. Purpose and meaning no longer become cliche`s... they become as potent and palpable as the sugar cravings you have after lunch. Ouch!

The 30s are a hard time - I give you that. The trick is to be forgiving, yet challenge every thing you took for granted about yourself and your relationships. Its about giving yourself a chance knowing full well when and how you will fail. So sail thro' the 30s and I reckon there's light at the end of the tunnel - I am simply saying who knows, the 40s could be kinder.

And every New Year - I give myself another chance. Maybe I will fail in a day, a week or even a month. But the important thing is to be kind - start again, continue... whatever! And the only thing that can scoop you up from massive disappointment is hope - even an ounce of it. The silly things begin to matter - those things you dismissed as juvenile and beneath you. You sigh that you, not your life is your biggest disappointment as well as your biggest redemption. You make peace with the fact that life is not about the large, big stuff - its about the small, almost invisible stuff - about being hopeful and positive and kind and not necessarily about being successful, beautiful and rich. And yes, there's also this distant nagging 'ding-ding' that the clock is ticking and there's so much to do and so little time left.

So don't scoff off New Year resolutions - people who made them never got hurt. They are just foolishly persistent people who invested in themselves every year. They are people who believed in the New Year, just the way we sweat to make our children believe in the Santa Claus and the tooth fairy and even the one eyed demon that would come at night if they did bad things. Now, that's not half so bad. So make a list, write a graffiti across the wall, hang a poster, post it on your fridge - whatever - remind yourself you have another chance and certainly deserve one. More people died of disillusionment than of failure. Maybe you are one of the many who says, I resolve not to make a resolution, but beware the numbers on the other side are certainly going up, year after year. Don't be on the wrong side of hope. So do yourself a favor and make up a New Year wish. And run along with it, as much as you can.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU. MAY YOU ALWAYS BELIEVE!

INDIAN FILMS ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE!

Karan Johar and the entire Indian film industry were up in arms recently when being accused of the fact that the item numbers in movies were responsible for rapes and the general abuse of women in our country.  Agreed, it is up to each individual to not get carried away by the content shown in films and also the RIGHT to not buy a ticket to watch the movies we are offended by. Uh, huh but filmmakers playing safe and shying away from any kind of moral responsibility for the way films have encouraged or upheld women being objectified in our country is no good too.

Here's my account of how and where Indian films objectify women and are also equally to blame for male machismo and violence. To be fair to all, wherever possible, I am using recent movies as an example for each of the points below. I am not even going south - where heroes are considered the very avatars of the God Almighty himself, let's just talk about the recent Hindi movies, so our film makers will get off their high horses regarding "women empowered" movies they are making:

1. Let's start with item numbers - Item numbers themselves are not wrong, but how they are perceived and projected in the movie is. Don't all films glorify the men that are leering or being macho with the females in these songs? Most often, isn't it the male lead who is being flirtatious and all 'touchy-feely'  with the female character in question? Isn't it that when there is an item number with men, women around are rarely shown as lusting after the man, while inevitably IT IS ALWAYS THE OTHER WAY AROUND. MOVIES: Agneepath, Dabangg 1 & 2 etc
2. Again, with items numbers, is a rationale offered behind the item songs? Compare item songs in 'Dabangg' and that in 'Chandni Bar' or any of our yesteryear star Helen's movies. In most, if not all movies, Helen was a character in the films she did item numbers in and the most beautiful, evergreen and melodious songs were filmed on her. Does the picturization suggest that a girl is doing dirty dancing for her livelihood or that she just drops from heaven to give the 'hard-working, social do-gooder' hero a GOOD TIME? MOVIES: Agneepath, Dabangg 1 & 2 etc
3. In MOST of our films, isn't it an important scene, where the males give a morality lecture to the female of what is socially acceptable and why - like "..Children are 'God's gift' and you cannot abort", "You cannot be haughty or selfish - put your family first, listen to your elders even if they are unreasonable, narrow minded old cows", "..you cannot wear dresses you like  else...." MOVIES: Aitraaz, Kabhie Khushi Kabhie Gham etc
4. Some filmi stereotypes of women - If they are career minded, they are always portrayed as selfish, haughty, frigid and sometimes even unscrupulous. If they are sisters or mothers to the hero, they are always dressed traditional with their heads bowed down - all sister characters are not looked upon kindly if they fall in love, wear short dresses or abandon their hypocrite, male chauvinistic husbands. After a female character gets married almost always the dress code undergoes a drastic change. The MOTHER IN LAW is always projected to be interfering, loud, heartless and downright BITCHY.
5. Most often a woman is showed as being stupid or opinion-less, her only purpose in life being falling in love with the hero, making his home and getting the social activist hero to bed. MOVIES: Singham, RACE 1, 2 and every other sequel I am sure, Ajab Prem ki Gazab Kahani
6. Aren't only the males offered the right to infidelity, two-timing, flirtatiousness and promiscuousness, while it is portrayed in an entirely different light when it comes to females? MOVIES: Cocktail, Gangster
7. Isn't stalking, wooing, eve teasing all portrayed as perfectly rational and in fact a man's birth right in most Indian movies? MOVIES: Dabangg, Kal Ho Na Ho
8. Almost always, why aren't WOMEN in Indian films ever allowed to slap a guy or reprimand a man no matter what he does, whilst all men in films are 'slap-happy', their bravado is in fact measured by it. Well you know what they say, 'Indian NAARIS should know their sabyata'.
9. Why aren't women on screen allowed to take decisions on abortion, child birth, even marriage? Why are they always shown to be right and happy to leave such decisions to the family/the man? MOVIES: Aitraaz, Hum Aapke Hain Koun,
10. And, Mr Karan Johar, what is the whole brouhaha over weddings in all your films? Ever been to a real wedding - ever seen the omnipresent tension and unnecessary hardships borne by the couple's families. Its time you understand that 'marriage' and 'wedding' are two different things - get off your high horse as a pious torchbearer of Indian culture, by glorifying BIG FAT INDIAN weddings IN ALL YOUR FILMS. Please!
11. Aren't most 'hit' pictures about the 'boy's family accepting girl and vice-versa and everybody struggling by hook or crook to get 'liked' by each other's families. Why is being 'liked' such a BIG DEAL in our movies? MOVIES: You name it - SRK became King Khan acting in a host of those.
12. Do most of our films even warrant women characters or are they simply eye and arm candy? Why do we have three heroines in the movie RACE 2, when you are scratching your head as to why at least two of them are not even needed in the plot? Is it about keeping employment stats in the film industry high?
13. Does a scene picturized on a woman intend to capture her cleavage, her curves and her shapely bottoms or her personality and her role in the overall plot?
14. Don't all films mistake vulgarity, force, lust and male chauvinism for sex, passion and sensuality?
15. Aren't all films based on physical appearances and what you can do if you are beautiful and what a total failure you are if you are not? Don't films just make us cringe at our imperfect bodies, natural looks and tanned faces?
16. And how do we portray rape survivors in movies - as outcasts or as bravehearts, as tainted or as normal? Don't we show in our films that it is the end of the world for rape survivors, that men are doing a 'favor' by marrying them or 'accepting' them?

And, yes, we have the right to not buy a ticket to watch a 'Chikni Chameli', but God save us, if even seemingly thinking actors peg their otherwise not so bad movies' success to a seedy item number, in the name of commerce and entertainment. What's the difference between the policeman who bribed a victim's family to push the crime under the carpet and these so called film makers - isn't everybody just saving their ass?

Dear Filmmakers - Don't wash your hands off of these depictions of women in the garb that films ape society - the society is what you and I are made of. Don't think you can dish up any cock and bull stuff and imagine you are being creative and realistic and so cannot be held accountable or responsible. Well, if you think you are entitled to make films objectifying women, please also remind us, while promoting your films that the content in your film may be offensive and that we have the RIGHT to not watch your movie. If nothing else, atleast have the decency to keep your mouth shut and not talk about women and women's rights and how films have nothing to do with what is happening in the country.

Free to speak, but...

"Girls arrested for a post on FB opposing something, something"

"Techie arrested for a tweet opposing someone"

"Some leader denounced and came under fire for saying someone's IQ level equals some one else's"

"Some leader denounced for saying he admires Hilter"

"Some cine-star made to apologise because she supports abortion"

'Someone's novel banned in India because he opposed something/glorified something"

"Some painter was banished from India because he portrayed Indian goddesses in his own way"

Maybe each of the above headlines are of a different nature and have different connotations - but to me they all have an underlying theme - You are free to speak, but not something that I don't agree with. And if you do, you hurt my sentiments and my pride.

Image from www.luckybogey.wordpress.com

This is very disturbing because, depending on who I am and what I can do, I could choose to react to your right to opinion in various ways. So if I am just an ordinary citizen, the 'aam aadmi' - I can curse you, give you gaalis on any social platform or make you the butt of my jokes near the office water cooler, or if I am really someone with power - muscle, money, political or underworld, I can put you behind bars, snatch away the dignity your work deserves, disfigure your face, break your bones or even have you killed. In short, the 'the right to be provoked' seems more fundamental than the 'right to speak'.

To me, it just seems unfair that people and media hype and react to the instance when someone was sent to jail for 'expressing her sentiments' and just ignore the other instances when a lesser fate was meted out for the same "crime"...Each instance was a violation to someone else's freedom of expression.  To me, the unconscientious trend of intolerance to another's opinion is dangerous enough, how someone opposes it is just an aftermath. As a country, as a class, if tolerance to another's opinion, no matter how irrational, insensitive and stupid, cannot be practiced, we are setting very bad precedents and transitioning a very explosive nation to the next generation. The tendency to be easily provoked, to be easily hurt and to be easily 'stupid and vulnerable' can cloud our rationale, our judgment and eventually our decisions and actions.

If you have seen or read or heard about mob culture, you will realize that people in a mob are generally good, decent people - often loving spouses and fathers - they just acted the way they did, because " their sentiments were hurt, they were provoked". People in a mob do not think, certainly do not understand, but almost always react. And my fear is, if we don't practise tolerance and restraint, we can end up doing more harm to our people and to our society, when 'provoked', if 'hurt'...the kind of harm we read in newspapers, watch in television everyday.

Sometimes, I think, freedom itself is a precious power that few people understand and fewer can handle - a power which needs to be handled responsibly and with incredible maturity. We are seeing everyday how the press misuses this freedom. A free society is one where you are as free to speak as I am and I have the duty to listen or tolerate as much as you do. A free society is one which is vociferous and intolerant when it comes to degenerative practices, actions and mindset, but upholds to the very end, the right of its citizens to speak and speak as freely as possible.

Sounds impractical? See, I don't understand how someone could admire Hitler the same way as how someone could blame women for rapes, but I think blowing something out of proportion, making it a national debate or giving such things more attention than necessary, is not what a true democracy should practise. Instead of focusing on what someone said regarding rape of women and children, let's focus on bringing about laws and empowerment which ensures culprits do not get away with any 'gift of the gab'...

For better and rational laws and to bring about changes to the society, we need free, independent, fearless speakers and sometimes we need to tolerate stupidity once in a while to be able to achieve that. This is the society that condemned Galileo because he claimed that the earth moves and is not stationary. We need to go beyond just opinions and views to judge a person and today we are a country that doesn't take kindly to frank (ok, maybe sometimes stupid) opinions nor does tolerate its head of state being mum on critical issues. By now, we have all come to realize that it is better to have an opinion and take a stand rather than being 'mum' and 'aloof'.

So unless we have the power of reasoning and restraint, we will continued getting 'provoked' and 'hurt', no matter how harmless the opinion or the comment. And let's always remember - "Everyone is free to speak, no ifs and no buts!

Marriage: You're ready when you Are!

There were times when, when people pictured India, it was fakirs with begging bowls, monkeys and endless fields and farms... Today when people think of India what comes to their minds is food, Bollywood (song and dance routines) and BIG FAT weddings... Really - why would the Brangelinas and Liz Hurleys and the Russell-Perrys of the world flock to India for that 'drama' and 'larger than life' wedding... Let me not even start about our weddings..., that may be the topic for a book....

Only in India, can you get away with personal questions like - "When are you getting married" or "Why aren't you still married" and "When are you guys expecting a baby" and then "When are you planning the second one"...I mean, middle aged folks fed up with their own marriages ask such personal, sometimes painful questions... I was a little disappointed when even some well meaning people I respect and adore, kept asking others in our circle as to - "hey when are you getting married" or "when are you having a kid".... and "when is the second"... Certainly these are not items in a shopping list to be ticked off. Count 2 years and atleast you must have ticked off the 'kid' part and another 3 years and the 'second kid' item!

It is as though, without marriage and parenthood, you are incomplete, worse finished! I know, now that , if you are half baked yourself, chances are that these very things will indeed burn you off! While age limit for drinking, voting, driving etc can be defined and set, please for God's sake, allow an individual to decide when s/he is ready for marriage, when s/he is ready to have a child.... and BTW, marriage is not as glorious/ rosy as people make it out to be - its hard work - lot of chewing, digesting and swallowing ego, hard truths and pride, even! And if you really care, its about making it count every single minute. And, and you get to hear the dull, nasty word called 'compromise' as though its some holy chant - BTW compromise, is something you do on someone else's terms - so not really a great thing. Please, people, a true marriage, is something where you discover, explore and include, not where you compromise and deny!

And parenting - parenting is about being a better person than you are or can ever imagine to be, every single day!

So seriously if you feel you are not upto it, probably you're right, don't make other people coax or bully you into thinking you are - chances are that they don't have the first damn clue of what's going on in their own marriage or what a true marriage is all about! And unlike what the majority feel, single people or couples without kids are not callous, insensitive or sick people, they are just the frightfully aware people who dared defy tradition and wanted to seek out life on their own terms.

Marriage, children etc were devised as a way of experiencing life when the Vedas stated the four dimensions of a man's life and when approached appropriately it is life enhancing and profound. And that moment will come in everyone's life, just remember that its different for everyone and it is upto EACH ONE OF US to set that date and time!

Your Girl Child and what she deserves

I have a daughter and I am reading all these articles about women abomination, suppression and harassment and thinking...... I may have scraped past without having to go thro’ these in the extremities mentioned, but will my daughter? I know we have much to be desired in terms of safer laws, better protection, lesser prejudices and greater choices for women as a society, but I cant help shaking off that feeling that there’s a lot that needs to be changed in the way we bring up our children – not just girls, but also boys. Remember, we are a proud patriarchal society that believes that the world is right only when in the hands of men.

So I put down a few things I want to be careful about while bringing up my daughter:

1. Avoid celebrating festivals like 'Karva Chauth' or for that matter any festival where a woman is portrayed to be inferior or dependent to a man. All celebrations should be about life and what life is all 'bout – energizing, vibrant and synonymous to happiness and togetherness. If you are really perturbed about being the first to break tradition, insist that your husband observes the same fast and goes thro' the same routine that you do. After all, there's nothing wrong if the man prays for the long life of his wife too.
2. Do not follow any routines in the family which is highly sexist – like only Mama should cook, only Dad can play… Teach children that we have assumed certain roles because of convenience and not because of our sexes. Let your children see you go out for lunch with your friends/for aerobics class while your husband takes care of the house and kids.
3. I believe every child should be taught four things, at the very least - swimming, driving, some form of martial arts/defense mechanism and cooking. These are life skills and everyone should know this, irrespective of whether s/he is a boy/girl.
4. Teach your child – be it a boy/girl that they need to earn their daily food – which means they need to have contributed their physical, emotional, intellectual abilities in some way – in short there’s just no free lunch whether you have affluent parents/affluent spouse/affluent friends. Teach them the importance of being economically independent and socially respectable. I personally find some of the best ‘jugaad’ and brains rotting away in the Indian household kitchens.
5. Do away as far as possible with pompous weddings, celebrations and flashy show of wealth – exhibitionism and sometimes even baseless traditional practices. They just advocate divide between 'haves' and 'have-nots' and 'weak' and 'strong' – Am sure you can’t advise your relatives and extended family – you will be cast one of those dirty ‘looks’ – but certainly teach your children that ‘marriage’ is more important than the ‘wedding’ and there is no correlation whatsoever between ‘how grand your wedding was’ and ‘how happy your marriage is’…
6. Don’t tell your daughter that she cannot do anything simply because she’s a girl – be it playing cricket or going out in the dark or choosing her own life – prejudices start with our own outlook, so be careful about giving her the dignity she deserves.
7. Tell yourself that the biggest thing you can give your daughter is access to best in class education, not a ‘dhoom dhadaka’ wedding or gold ornaments – don’t even save or keep away money for these things and let her know too – trust me with tenacity, education and confidence she can win the world – not to speak of a life companion.
8. Teach your children to walk away from someone who hurts them emotionally or physically, without guilt in their heads. In India, people put up with offensive partners, teachers, elders because ours is a culture that associates good with meek and docile and people who resist are considered outcasts and perverts.
9. Never punish/segregate your daughter for something that nature has bestowed her with – she needs your understanding and care during her monthly cycle, not seclusion and aloofness.
10. Teach your children to take pride in what nature has bestowed on them – that includes their colour, their features, whatever they are endowed with.  Teach them not to be bogged down / carried away by how others perceive of their physical features or their looks.
11. Teach them religion, if you must – but the highest manifestation of God that I have seen  to date, is when I see my daughter not understanding God but treating with equality all the people around her – be it my maid servant or my husband’s boss. so yes, if you have to teach them religion, insist that He is one of us, all of us and so never turn anyone away from your door, never reject an opportunity to offer a drink of water or a morsel of food – I always believe God comes disguised as people we abhor the most or least expect. 
12. Teach your daughter to walk with her head held high - be it down the street or aisle - teach her to look at life in the eye.
13. But really, the icing of it all is to never feel prejudiced and subjugated yourself, never feel guilt for your feminine side. Our life should be an exploration of all opportunities and advantages and hopefully our daughters will see and realize the possibilities of being a woman & sons will realize how incomplete life is without a woman.

Like many other posts, this one is impromptu and I am looking forward to inputs from my friends who feel strongly about this as I do, to help me complete this list…..

Crass is always adorned with lotta frills...

Ever noticed, no one has ever complained about bad service or bad ambience or even bad decor inside a KFC or a McDonalds - even the bride and groom of big fat Indian weddings would fall flat competing the big gracious smiles of the people at these counters. I, personally, remember many times that I wanted to buy at these places just to appease these "wonderful, sweet people"...

But why is that the service/ambience/decor at most bakeries/fast food/comfort food joints jut way above the benchmark/people's expectations? No its not because they are American or Western or they are the new emblems of customer centricity. I'm sure there is bad service even in America. So what is it then? I can only think of one thing - when a book is empty, you will have to adorn its covers to sell it. Imagine if  the McDs/Pizzerias/KFCs of the world had bad service, bad ambience to top their negative nutrition food, how would they sell?

Agreed these are "comfort" foods - remember how in almost every English movie - the female lead is downing a big bucket of ice cream after she's had a major showdown with her boyfriend/boss/husband/girlfriend/pet animal. So comfort food provide you the sort of comfort where you feel totally liberated while eating it, followed by hours and hours of discomfort, not to speak of the guilt, especially if you are a weight watcher. Don't get me wrong, no, I'm not against people eating junk food (cant care less) and this blog is not about the ill effects of junk food.

It just interests me that crap comes loaded with a lot of dressings and fluff, no pun that! In a world of advertising and derived social tastes, we fall flat to places/things/people who can boost our ego, but in reality are taking our intelligence and instincts for a ride. I have never seen MTR or a Saravana Bhavan, go that extra mile to pat our egos or even ensure we are comfortable there - they are just in the business of good food and they draw the line there, they take that seriously and nothing else.

Let me cut some slack here for the really fine restaurants which are in the business of good food and good experience as well - here they understand that good experience is beyond the walls of the restaurant - they invest in good food too. In the meanwhile, the spread, the offers, the choices and the frills just get better and better at the McDs, KFCs, Dominos and Pizza Huts - after all the better you package the deal, the more it sells!

The 21st century - the Age of the Common, the Ordinary and the Insignificant

Despite everything - the pollution, the violence, the apathy, nature defying sexuality and "hopelessness", these are certainly the best times one can hope to live in . We have every gadget to make life easy, we know that every desire can be fulfilled, almost everything can be bought, every place can be conquered and most important, someone is willing to pay you for every little talent you possess. We finally have arrived at an age for "A place for everyone and everything in its place" - Dunno if the latter is true, but yes there certainly is a place for everyone today.

Think of the inventions that revolutionized this century - The Internet,the Mobile phone, the Social Web. Why are they important/ground breaking? Because, never before has so much power been bestowed on the hands of the individual. Never before have people enjoyed unlimited access, power and choice, without having to sacrifice anonymity - the anonymity of being the common man.

Today the mantra seems to be - You have something you are proud of - it doesnt matter what - someone, somewhere needs you - It could be anything... Sample these...A top corporate honcho having a portfolio like Chief Belief Officer and strategy, top 5 start hotels employing housewives to make 'ghar ka khana', shopping consultants who will help you pick clothes that will suit you and your wallet,  not to talk of cultural officers, diversity managers, why you can make a living even if you only know to eat - I really dunno what other quality a food critic has.  So the fact of the matter is if you are super good at something, anything - even if it is mundane and commonplace, if you are passionate about it, you can carve your own niche....

Is this good? Never better, of course! But where you are blessed really is in understanding what your calling is - to understand what you are 'cut out' for!Most people just vanish never being able to know.... or even attempting... So there's just one difference in people like Aamir, Sachin, Zakir Hussain and most of us - they have found their calling, while we have given up even before we tried! In fact, 'without purpose' you are a lost cause!

So what's this era about -it is an age where simple things can find expression and where ordinary is celebrated and in fact revered and exalted. How else do you explain "phenomenon" ( I dunno what else to call it) like "Kolaveri di" - if that is not the celebration of the ordinary and commonplace, then what is.... Please note that I never meant mediocre anywhere. So finally, its not cliche, every one really has something unique that the world is waiting to lap up. Power to the ordinary, but relentless. Maybe the key to being extraordinary is in really being utterly and super ordinary....And in getting comfortable being...

When you write from the heart...

I attended this workshop on advanced content management some 4 months back - I mean this is not about that workshop or its contents - nothing to take away from the workshop - it was 2 days, well spent. The trainer there said that the mind works like "water flowing thro' a newly installed tap"...it is air first, then murky, gutter water and only after that the pristine, cool elixir follows! Wow! what a truly wonderful analogy.

Someone who'd read my blogs said my writing was so like "I was getting back at someone", as if its like I was venting out. It really bothered me, because yeah! I confess, I do write (sometimes) to get things out of my frame. But arent strokes the only form of expression, where you can not care, I mean, really give a damn about what others will think... I know Rushdie and Taslima would beg to differ! But really what sort of democracy bans instruments of liberal arts like paintings, books and movies! If Brit Colonialism followed "Divide and Rule", modern politics follows, "Deny and Rule" - depriving people of any chance to make their own rules and their own interpretations...

Sorry Rushdie and Nasreen, I need to get back to my blog here - so the point I was trying to get at is  - Why do people write? Well I know it figures in most people's "100 things to do before I die", but really why do people write - from the very limited I read,  I can tell you this - Some people write about secret things they always wanted to do/see happen, whilst others about the things they want to shout from roof tops, some because their life's journey was too colourful or because it was too black and white, why some write because they hate too much  and some others because they love too much, some write because they know so much and others because they are still searching, some write because that's all they know while others write because there's so much to write about......... However everyone writes because they want to give a piece of themselves to the world, because they feel they owe you one! So what if its air at first and then some more gutter..... If the writer and the world can wait, the cool pristine elixir will follow.

And I thought I went astray...

Now what's the most memorable time in anybody's life? At the cost of generalization, I would say that it damn well be your school/college days. And the most colourful memories happen not when you were goody-two shoes, or played it safe or had the perfect track record, if you know what I mean. The most touching memories occur when, in others' words, you did the unthinkable... You got into bad company or fell in love with the professor, or started flirting or took to the puff, or the booze or the crack... I mean based on the circumstances, you just were the first to break tradition in your "group".

And back then, what a shame it must have been to live or come out of it, when you finally were shaken off your euphoria, you must have thought that "I should have played it safe", "Should never have left my trusted gang, "Never should have deviated from the beaten path"...  I did too. And I thought I went astray and by doing the "unthinkable" I betrayed my friends, my family and myself.

When I think back now, I feel a sense of remorse. I feel maybe I didn't really go all out! Why did I hold back? Should have been more exploratory... Should have risked much more... Because that's the stuff movies are made about and books are written about, not about some perfect person who did stuff that neither shocked others nor themselves. What's the point in looking too far or too often before you leap, chances are you may never leap at all. But no matter how you landed or bumped or crashed, the way you get up and beat the dust off you and walk again is what you really are and eventually become!

One life, few escapades and fewer chances... Living life to the fullest - have actually never seen anyone regret it! One day, you might actually recount those 'cock and bull tales' to your children with a great tinge of pride and 'I did those things too' tone.... I know I will and my kid will know that I was not this sad person all the time... She will know I had my moments, my stories and my chances.... But I doubt if she'll ever think my mom had gone astray...

Things I learn everyday from my little girl...

Parenthood teaches you a lot of things... but invaluable are those that your children teach you. I've heard that ideal parenting is when we internalize and nurture the childlike nature of our kids and not the other way around. Parenthood is about getting back to basics - a reminiscence of the time when life was about living and not fire-fighting.

My girl, all of 3 years, is a sensitive and independent person and I value her opinon and outlook on many things. Well she does have them! She is an exciting mix of two diverse worlds - that of me and my husband and she brings to the table a sense of equilibrium and well, she is a happy child...

Things I learn everyday from her. Mind you this is no particular order or flow:

1. You can love a person unconditionally.
2. It is really not that difficult to forgive people.
3. When in doubt, ask yourself some basic questions. For instance, when I tell her that I had a quarrel with her dad and I am upset, she listens and just asks.., " So dont you love dad". A profound and basic question and end of conversation.
4. It is possible to speak your mind and be charming as well.
5. Whether you eat a simple meal at home or are at a party or buffet, you pretty much should just eat the same quantity of food. Availability is not directly proportional to need.
6. That asli mazaa 'Sabke saath hai"....When it comes to being happy, people and not material things matter.
7. That special words and special gestures need to be reserved only for a handful of special people.
8. That charm, not looks is irresistible. But damn, she is a looker as well.
9. A smile and the honest truth can diffuse any degree of tension.
10. That no matter who is at the door, a janitor or a maid or a guest or a child they really ought to be invited in and offered a seat in the drawing room.
11. That it is perfectly normal to not understand God.
12. That when people come to you with problems, they most need your reassurance and not your solution. Like whenever I tell her a problem, she almost always says, "But Mama I am your friend and I love you".
13. That promises need to be kept and you shouldnt lie to people who matter.
14. That its not really easy to say "Sorry", but well its the easiest way to make the other person feel better.
15. That people need to be tackled in different ways - Things that work with dad, dont work with Mom.
16.  That leadership is not about size or ability, it is about the way you inspire others and frankly, about being a little bossy too.
17.  That when it comes to clothes, mix n match works better.
18. That white pulao tastes better than biriyani and boiled eggs are better than double fry.
19.  That no matter what people say, when it comes to food, go by your own instincts
20. That love cannot be taken for granted, especially with mom.

I love you, little one. You have made me a better person, next step seems to be a deserving mom...

Momma Momma!

Most women, including me, brag about how beautiful a phase is motherhood...what a special feeling it is.. how we have evolved as a person, how we have become more patient and caring and frankly blah blah blah...

But there's something that bothers me....

I think we all are, irrespective of being male or female, endowed with the capability of feeling 'motherhood'. But yes, it is spectacular to actually feel another living creature, borne of your own passion and fruit (quite literally), ticking inside of you. And without conflict, women are blessed because they can touch and feel this experience, thanks to the several biological changes they undergo, during the process of motherhood. It is much more difficult for men, because they dont really change physically to accomodate parenthood, but yes, that's why when you see them experience it, its very special.

So ok, I hear ya, what's the dispute? But the birthing process itself doesnt make you a "Mother India". Motherhood really ought to hit you, not just when your child calls you "Momma", but actually when you see any child. You should actually feel the familiar stirring, when you see any child of any age, colour and sex.

My inspiration to write this is a special woman who I was not particularly close with, from many many years ago. Back then, I used to commute in a van in Chennai and there were 2 married women who used to get off last from the van. One of them was a young mother with a kid and was expecting her second one and one day she lost her wallet and she couldn't remember where and so she checked with the driver, a very young lad, the next day, if he'd seen it. He didnt have a clue and said he didnt see anything and the matter seemed settled. However after the incident, we saw a visible change in the driver. Previously a punctual, neatly dressed and soft spoken chap, after this incident, he started behaving a little weird and started singing songs loudly and used to be late and got into fights with the owner often, who also used to travel with us. One day he came drunk and he missed bumping the vehicle twice and since it was only women in the van, we stopped the vehicle midway, asked him to get off and demanded an explanation. This lad just ignored us all, went to this woman, broke down into tears and said "Madam I didnt take your purse, I havent even seen it". This woman was taken aback, took her time to recover and said "But I had long forgotten it - I believed you". And then he said, "Madam  just got the feeling you are still suspecting me", to which she said the most unforgettable lines "See, I am a mother and at my age, I can only see every other person as my own child, I believed you, like I would believe my own son. So please forget about it."

Mind you, she was a young mother in her early thirties and he a boy in his early twenties.., by any equation she really didnt fit the bill as his mother. But thats what motherhood should do to you, to me...what is so great about feeling overwhelming affection for your own..? Motherhood should connect you with a familiarity and an instinct that is deeper and more purile than blood, a feeling that no matter what and who, all children come through this wonderful process, that you so enjoyed and cherished.

When you appreciate the process and loved being a part of it, it does not matter who or whose the product is. Motherhood needs to be that catalyst, just that, the rest is blah blah blah....

What do people really mean when they say "Dont have too many expectations?"

Well as far as I remember it...I have never said it... I mean its not my natural thing to say that! But I know of a lot many people who say "Well dont expect too much" and say it way too often - even sometimes out of context... C'mon its the human nature to expect or atleast be curious of what the outcome will be for his actions/someone else's actions. And if you are an optimistic person, you are bound to have expectations. I mean what kind of person says, "well yeah I have done my bit, but I really dont expect much."

Even the most sage-like people I know have great dreams, great ambitions - they are brimming with boundless zeal and energy and am sure "Dont expect too much" is not their driving force.

So what's wrong with expecting the best, nothing but the best and fighting against mediocrity? People who expect are also people who can give, who can go that extra mile.. because they are conscious that they have expectations to live upto as well.  It doesnt scare them to try - well they'd die if they dont, because expectations keep them going, not so much the others' as much as theirs! And a person who doesnt set expectations for himself is living a lie... God save him..his life is a pity!

So next time, I am not going to let people look me down by saying "Dont expect too much"...I will just look back squarely and say - "I'm really sorry for you".

Are you the detail oriented or the BIG PICTURE guy?

Detail-oriented is a great term to describe a professional, in fact I see many a recommendation on Linked In laced with this adjective, many a resume boasting of this quality and many a people who value this virtue...

But I got thinking - what is being detail-oriented - is it that you have all your 'i's dotted and 't's crossed, you have all your risks predicted, you have all your preps ready and you have accounted and taken care of every single detail to the smallest T, what then? So whats the opposite of being detail oriented -  someone who takes things as it comes, someone who's "on the spur" guy, never predicts, never does his homework, never is prepared..... Having said that - I realized that not all your jobs require you to be a detail oriented person... Yes, there are some roles, some jobs where details to the end is everything - for some where the purpose is certainly the BIGGER aspect.

It is insulting and disrespectful to work with someone who feels there's no need to come prepared for a meeting, who doesnt believe in setting the context, whose paperwork is full of mistakes and whose attitude is 'care a damn'. Yes, you need some level of orientation in whatever you do, but does it have to be detailed enough where you lose sight of the end picture, are too stiff to deviate and change course, are too stuck to be creative and innovate and too rigid to unlearn??

I got thinking that detail orientation is certainly not the best of virtues if you are at the top - where you need to be continuously evolving, adapting and unlearning...Most creative, fun guys I know are careless and happy go lucky - you could even get disgusted with their lackadaisical approaches...but that's only till they flash their sparks of geniuses, when all along you've been thnking they havent even been listening. But these guys are tough to work with, they dont fall in line, ask too many apolitical, uncomfortable questions and get killed by routine - not a typical detail oriented guy. They wouldnt care who's sitting in a meeting, maybe not even wat's on the agenda, but then you can hook this guy  and even get him to participate if you can make even one sensible, non-cliched and honest statement.You see, the details the BIG PICTURE guy orients to is different and invisible.

Its been my good fortune to work with some guys who have been detail oriented but never lost sight of the BIG PICTURE, never got caught in quagmires of details.

So what am I? I'd like to work on the details as much as I can.., but being oriented is more important to me!

The Blue Billion rises and drowns the game

First let me start with the disclaimer: I love cricket...but just the game..There were times when I have cried for India and cheered and danced for Her (Her?? Its a men's game silly)...But yeah betting makes a mockery of people's sensibilities and passion. So for me, I love cheering the game but not every other day, considering the countless cricket tournaments that are happening like clockwork round the year.


Just when I thought I lost it for cricket, comes the World Cup to say "How silly" you can never lose it for the WC matches...N cricketing being what it is, is today getting more round tables, more vamps, more moolah and more 'burning questions' (I laugh out silly when I see those captions about cricket on prime-time news channels) than ever. N not to forget, whole channels thrive on the livelihood called Indian cricket...

But what has happened to the game? Well personally from my very limited knowledge and finite love for the game, I feel Indian cricketing is at its bets oops best (that seriously was a typo but when I read it back, I smiled and let it be) today since Paaji's days. We have a team that has a great body language, a captain who's damn comfortable in his skin and can bring the team together whether he performs or not (trust me guys it takes a lot more maturity and world class attitude to be captain and to call the shots, even when your not leading from the front), a coach that everyone seems to be okay with and above all an aggressiveness we never ever had, to play on an international playing field. Today its not fashionable to call the Indian team, the underdogs or Davids.., we dont exude that persona anymore... I will not go into the technicals of strong or not strong batting line up, or poor fielding...I leave it to the round-tables and the vamps... But think about the mind that is Indian cricket..., it is at its strongest and best...That people, is a long way we have come since our last dismal WC performance...sort of 'rising from the ashes'......

In India, everyone is an authority on cricket and a selector and democracy is at its best when it comes to cricket - we ask too many questions, we tolerate too few things and we participate way too often. For once the love of this game will drown this game - the spirit that is (I have no doubt that India will playing cricket for as long as the world remains). But the spirit that we so passionately talk about? When will Indian cricket come of age, when will Dhoni learn, when will they learn to field, when will they stop this, when will they start this and yes the biggest question of all when will Sachin hit his century (its not score kya hua)? Well you wanna know when... when fans start loving the game and not the adrenaline it produces, when fans mature and come of age and know watching cricket cannot be equated to watching a masala movie flick...Dhoni so rightly said.."Play for the game, not the crowds"...A message for the fans!

Only in Indian cricket is a single player idolized and celebrated more than the game. Our Little Master became a demi God, then a God...well I liked it when he was the "Little Master"... That title respected his game and not him. And maybe, who knows, he'd prefer that. With respect to Sachin's innings and records and legacy, I think he has enjoyed privileges and opportunities that no one else has, even during his mean, out of form days simply because he was Sachin, because this is India, because its criminal to omit Sachin even if he's not contributing. And even today, am sure stats will tell you that we have won countless matches because the team came together and exhibited a collective mind and not because of a single century or a single man.

Sorry folks, it annoys me no end when they say its "Lee vs Sachin", or India will win the cup only when there are 11 Sachins..., there is no other international team that will talk like that, even if they had the very icons of cricket on their side. And that, to me is the difference between the Indian team and the others... and not the technicals. With the world concentrating on Sachin, imagine the captain's chore of motivating the others, experimenting and bringing them together to play a game, because he knows that no match can be won by Sachin alone.

Maybe its a mind game after all. The strategy must be "Ignore all else and play your game" ... At an age of natural catastrophes, Indian cricket faces the biggest of all and blissfully unaware too - The Blue Billion Tsunami - if left unfettered, it can drown and wash away the dignity left in the game.

My wish for the Indian Cricket team - Enjoy your game!

Tell me what car you drive and I will size you up

We'd recently been to Chennai and were slightly irritated when people chided us for keeping our old gadgets... They said "U still keeping this car....." "Cant believe you are still using this mobile".... Well people have a great way of sizing based on what you drive, where you holiday, what gadgets you use....Or atleast the sad network we have.

Makes me wonder if growth in life is about evolving as a person or becoming more tech and gadget savvy... Does it matter whether you have not changed/ changed for the better or that you bought a damn good MUV, but became a mean and conniving a#$%le? Just notice how people are more in awe of what you own, rather than what you have learned, of where you went rather than why you couldn't go there, of how good looking you have become rather than how you have evolved as person....

Realized we are all brand managers wherever we go - we represent something about us in the choice of our brands. People are curious to know - What brands do we flaunt, what brands do we follow and who do we meet. At reunions and vacations, at holidays and parties, people are looking out for our brands, our statement...

I was recently watching this man on this show and what he said about the brands we care for and endorse, left a very deep impact on me - He said "I earned a lot of money by the time I was 27 or so..., but was dismayed to see that had no time or people to spend it with." It inspired him to go back to his village and lead a simple, no-frills life sans washing machines, fridge, A/C ( and all the so-called necessities of a modern household). In his words, we labour our body and mind as tools to achieve these so-called necessities. And the mind and body are not instruments to achieve our pseudo status in the society.

What precious insights!!

But, people lets return and not lose focus on those who are watching our brands. So the next time you walk into a party and people give that extra attention to your brands, give them that look and say.., "Those brands have neither defined or changed me.. I am still as mean as I used to be"

Can switching jobs enhance professional morale?

I've been spending some time on Linked In and was pleasantly amused to see that some of the colleagues I had been working with have really moved so ahead in their careers. Whats so amusing about it??? Well they were all sort of written off as underperformers or non contributors in the workplace we'd worked together in.

That led me thinking..... maybe performance is a direct attribute of a person's morale, of how he perceives the job and how he perceives himself in that job. It may not have anything to do with his intellect or learning capability or even attitude - well not really!!!! In the right environment and with the right team, even a certified dumbhead can perform, take ownership, act and deliver!! I am glad that these so called 'trailing' colleagues have moved on and not taken their tags "personally"....

I also noticed that the so-called workplaces that are so quick to judge people based on their mistakes, nitpick them on their failures, use them as scapegoats for the team's collective failure are also teams that do not encourage innovation, are also teams that do not recognize that there are diverse talents in a team, are also teams that make it a point to ensure "non-smart" employees withdraw into a shell and lastly teams that do not care! Finally it comes to a stage that these employees have to move out - not because they cannot deliver or the work does not excite them, but because the atmosphere becomes so thick and smothering that it becomes impossible to think and see clearly, deliver effectively amidst all the mud slinging. People begin questioning themselves and their capabilities and the work gets heavy and burdensome and the only way to relieve themselves of all the pressure ( I am reminded of Aamir Khan's dialogue in 3 Idiots about 'dimaag pe pressure') is to quit.

Very few workplaces today understand that workforce is diverse and we have fewer leaders who are capable of nurturing and harnessing a diverse workforce. There was one leader I worked with who was so ruthlessly demanding with sales guys, amazingly patient with creative guys, completely hands-on with engagement/relationship guys and detail-oriented with the techie guys - all in one team.. Well now he was one person who knew that he couldnt handle the sales guys as he would the techies... Another example of a great leader was someone who used to recognize and brag about every single process improvement or change ( no matter how small or insignificant) brought about in a team.

Personally, the most successful people I know of are not smart, not intellectuals or even great conversationalists, they are just ordinary people with a great smile and those who concentrated on their positives and forced other people on their team to look at their positives only. They are also people who could turn failures into their strengths. For instance there was this one guy who couldnt do product demonstrations because of his poor language skills, he always had to depend on one of us when we used to go for demos. But it didnt deter him - he created a prop/medium to deliver a demonstration without manual intervention whatsoever - it was so effective and such a hit that the rest of the team started using it for our demos.

"I have learned that never tell a child his dreams are stupid. How sad it is if he believed it"... From Live, Learn and Pass it On...

Our workplaces are getting more competent and savvy, but our professionals are a harrowed, burnt -out lot.. Monday mornings are never exciting and I hear people crying and craving for weekends. Does it say something?

Isnt it weird that today's workplace are not sensitive to what hampers performance and productivity and what lowers employee morale.

Saw something interesting today - my daughter walked into her school - and it is a practice at her school where all teachers of all classes stand out and greet all children (irrespective of whether they belong to their class or not) with their first names and a broad smile beckoning them to school. Have you ever walked into a workplace in this scenario???? How often have you felt valued and welcomed when you walk into office and run into your boss?

I'll leave it here and welcome thoughts and instances that prove me wrong....