Your Girl Child and what she deserves

I have a daughter and I am reading all these articles about women abomination, suppression and harassment and thinking...... I may have scraped past without having to go thro’ these in the extremities mentioned, but will my daughter? I know we have much to be desired in terms of safer laws, better protection, lesser prejudices and greater choices for women as a society, but I cant help shaking off that feeling that there’s a lot that needs to be changed in the way we bring up our children – not just girls, but also boys. Remember, we are a proud patriarchal society that believes that the world is right only when in the hands of men.

So I put down a few things I want to be careful about while bringing up my daughter:

1. Avoid celebrating festivals like 'Karva Chauth' or for that matter any festival where a woman is portrayed to be inferior or dependent to a man. All celebrations should be about life and what life is all 'bout – energizing, vibrant and synonymous to happiness and togetherness. If you are really perturbed about being the first to break tradition, insist that your husband observes the same fast and goes thro' the same routine that you do. After all, there's nothing wrong if the man prays for the long life of his wife too.
2. Do not follow any routines in the family which is highly sexist – like only Mama should cook, only Dad can play… Teach children that we have assumed certain roles because of convenience and not because of our sexes. Let your children see you go out for lunch with your friends/for aerobics class while your husband takes care of the house and kids.
3. I believe every child should be taught four things, at the very least - swimming, driving, some form of martial arts/defense mechanism and cooking. These are life skills and everyone should know this, irrespective of whether s/he is a boy/girl.
4. Teach your child – be it a boy/girl that they need to earn their daily food – which means they need to have contributed their physical, emotional, intellectual abilities in some way – in short there’s just no free lunch whether you have affluent parents/affluent spouse/affluent friends. Teach them the importance of being economically independent and socially respectable. I personally find some of the best ‘jugaad’ and brains rotting away in the Indian household kitchens.
5. Do away as far as possible with pompous weddings, celebrations and flashy show of wealth – exhibitionism and sometimes even baseless traditional practices. They just advocate divide between 'haves' and 'have-nots' and 'weak' and 'strong' – Am sure you can’t advise your relatives and extended family – you will be cast one of those dirty ‘looks’ – but certainly teach your children that ‘marriage’ is more important than the ‘wedding’ and there is no correlation whatsoever between ‘how grand your wedding was’ and ‘how happy your marriage is’…
6. Don’t tell your daughter that she cannot do anything simply because she’s a girl – be it playing cricket or going out in the dark or choosing her own life – prejudices start with our own outlook, so be careful about giving her the dignity she deserves.
7. Tell yourself that the biggest thing you can give your daughter is access to best in class education, not a ‘dhoom dhadaka’ wedding or gold ornaments – don’t even save or keep away money for these things and let her know too – trust me with tenacity, education and confidence she can win the world – not to speak of a life companion.
8. Teach your children to walk away from someone who hurts them emotionally or physically, without guilt in their heads. In India, people put up with offensive partners, teachers, elders because ours is a culture that associates good with meek and docile and people who resist are considered outcasts and perverts.
9. Never punish/segregate your daughter for something that nature has bestowed her with – she needs your understanding and care during her monthly cycle, not seclusion and aloofness.
10. Teach your children to take pride in what nature has bestowed on them – that includes their colour, their features, whatever they are endowed with.  Teach them not to be bogged down / carried away by how others perceive of their physical features or their looks.
11. Teach them religion, if you must – but the highest manifestation of God that I have seen  to date, is when I see my daughter not understanding God but treating with equality all the people around her – be it my maid servant or my husband’s boss. so yes, if you have to teach them religion, insist that He is one of us, all of us and so never turn anyone away from your door, never reject an opportunity to offer a drink of water or a morsel of food – I always believe God comes disguised as people we abhor the most or least expect. 
12. Teach your daughter to walk with her head held high - be it down the street or aisle - teach her to look at life in the eye.
13. But really, the icing of it all is to never feel prejudiced and subjugated yourself, never feel guilt for your feminine side. Our life should be an exploration of all opportunities and advantages and hopefully our daughters will see and realize the possibilities of being a woman & sons will realize how incomplete life is without a woman.

Like many other posts, this one is impromptu and I am looking forward to inputs from my friends who feel strongly about this as I do, to help me complete this list…..

Things I learn everyday from my little girl...

Parenthood teaches you a lot of things... but invaluable are those that your children teach you. I've heard that ideal parenting is when we internalize and nurture the childlike nature of our kids and not the other way around. Parenthood is about getting back to basics - a reminiscence of the time when life was about living and not fire-fighting.

My girl, all of 3 years, is a sensitive and independent person and I value her opinon and outlook on many things. Well she does have them! She is an exciting mix of two diverse worlds - that of me and my husband and she brings to the table a sense of equilibrium and well, she is a happy child...

Things I learn everyday from her. Mind you this is no particular order or flow:

1. You can love a person unconditionally.
2. It is really not that difficult to forgive people.
3. When in doubt, ask yourself some basic questions. For instance, when I tell her that I had a quarrel with her dad and I am upset, she listens and just asks.., " So dont you love dad". A profound and basic question and end of conversation.
4. It is possible to speak your mind and be charming as well.
5. Whether you eat a simple meal at home or are at a party or buffet, you pretty much should just eat the same quantity of food. Availability is not directly proportional to need.
6. That asli mazaa 'Sabke saath hai"....When it comes to being happy, people and not material things matter.
7. That special words and special gestures need to be reserved only for a handful of special people.
8. That charm, not looks is irresistible. But damn, she is a looker as well.
9. A smile and the honest truth can diffuse any degree of tension.
10. That no matter who is at the door, a janitor or a maid or a guest or a child they really ought to be invited in and offered a seat in the drawing room.
11. That it is perfectly normal to not understand God.
12. That when people come to you with problems, they most need your reassurance and not your solution. Like whenever I tell her a problem, she almost always says, "But Mama I am your friend and I love you".
13. That promises need to be kept and you shouldnt lie to people who matter.
14. That its not really easy to say "Sorry", but well its the easiest way to make the other person feel better.
15. That people need to be tackled in different ways - Things that work with dad, dont work with Mom.
16.  That leadership is not about size or ability, it is about the way you inspire others and frankly, about being a little bossy too.
17.  That when it comes to clothes, mix n match works better.
18. That white pulao tastes better than biriyani and boiled eggs are better than double fry.
19.  That no matter what people say, when it comes to food, go by your own instincts
20. That love cannot be taken for granted, especially with mom.

I love you, little one. You have made me a better person, next step seems to be a deserving mom...