And I thought I went astray...

Now what's the most memorable time in anybody's life? At the cost of generalization, I would say that it damn well be your school/college days. And the most colourful memories happen not when you were goody-two shoes, or played it safe or had the perfect track record, if you know what I mean. The most touching memories occur when, in others' words, you did the unthinkable... You got into bad company or fell in love with the professor, or started flirting or took to the puff, or the booze or the crack... I mean based on the circumstances, you just were the first to break tradition in your "group".

And back then, what a shame it must have been to live or come out of it, when you finally were shaken off your euphoria, you must have thought that "I should have played it safe", "Should never have left my trusted gang, "Never should have deviated from the beaten path"...  I did too. And I thought I went astray and by doing the "unthinkable" I betrayed my friends, my family and myself.

When I think back now, I feel a sense of remorse. I feel maybe I didn't really go all out! Why did I hold back? Should have been more exploratory... Should have risked much more... Because that's the stuff movies are made about and books are written about, not about some perfect person who did stuff that neither shocked others nor themselves. What's the point in looking too far or too often before you leap, chances are you may never leap at all. But no matter how you landed or bumped or crashed, the way you get up and beat the dust off you and walk again is what you really are and eventually become!

One life, few escapades and fewer chances... Living life to the fullest - have actually never seen anyone regret it! One day, you might actually recount those 'cock and bull tales' to your children with a great tinge of pride and 'I did those things too' tone.... I know I will and my kid will know that I was not this sad person all the time... She will know I had my moments, my stories and my chances.... But I doubt if she'll ever think my mom had gone astray...

Things I learn everyday from my little girl...

Parenthood teaches you a lot of things... but invaluable are those that your children teach you. I've heard that ideal parenting is when we internalize and nurture the childlike nature of our kids and not the other way around. Parenthood is about getting back to basics - a reminiscence of the time when life was about living and not fire-fighting.

My girl, all of 3 years, is a sensitive and independent person and I value her opinon and outlook on many things. Well she does have them! She is an exciting mix of two diverse worlds - that of me and my husband and she brings to the table a sense of equilibrium and well, she is a happy child...

Things I learn everyday from her. Mind you this is no particular order or flow:

1. You can love a person unconditionally.
2. It is really not that difficult to forgive people.
3. When in doubt, ask yourself some basic questions. For instance, when I tell her that I had a quarrel with her dad and I am upset, she listens and just asks.., " So dont you love dad". A profound and basic question and end of conversation.
4. It is possible to speak your mind and be charming as well.
5. Whether you eat a simple meal at home or are at a party or buffet, you pretty much should just eat the same quantity of food. Availability is not directly proportional to need.
6. That asli mazaa 'Sabke saath hai"....When it comes to being happy, people and not material things matter.
7. That special words and special gestures need to be reserved only for a handful of special people.
8. That charm, not looks is irresistible. But damn, she is a looker as well.
9. A smile and the honest truth can diffuse any degree of tension.
10. That no matter who is at the door, a janitor or a maid or a guest or a child they really ought to be invited in and offered a seat in the drawing room.
11. That it is perfectly normal to not understand God.
12. That when people come to you with problems, they most need your reassurance and not your solution. Like whenever I tell her a problem, she almost always says, "But Mama I am your friend and I love you".
13. That promises need to be kept and you shouldnt lie to people who matter.
14. That its not really easy to say "Sorry", but well its the easiest way to make the other person feel better.
15. That people need to be tackled in different ways - Things that work with dad, dont work with Mom.
16.  That leadership is not about size or ability, it is about the way you inspire others and frankly, about being a little bossy too.
17.  That when it comes to clothes, mix n match works better.
18. That white pulao tastes better than biriyani and boiled eggs are better than double fry.
19.  That no matter what people say, when it comes to food, go by your own instincts
20. That love cannot be taken for granted, especially with mom.

I love you, little one. You have made me a better person, next step seems to be a deserving mom...

Momma Momma!

Most women, including me, brag about how beautiful a phase is motherhood...what a special feeling it is.. how we have evolved as a person, how we have become more patient and caring and frankly blah blah blah...

But there's something that bothers me....

I think we all are, irrespective of being male or female, endowed with the capability of feeling 'motherhood'. But yes, it is spectacular to actually feel another living creature, borne of your own passion and fruit (quite literally), ticking inside of you. And without conflict, women are blessed because they can touch and feel this experience, thanks to the several biological changes they undergo, during the process of motherhood. It is much more difficult for men, because they dont really change physically to accomodate parenthood, but yes, that's why when you see them experience it, its very special.

So ok, I hear ya, what's the dispute? But the birthing process itself doesnt make you a "Mother India". Motherhood really ought to hit you, not just when your child calls you "Momma", but actually when you see any child. You should actually feel the familiar stirring, when you see any child of any age, colour and sex.

My inspiration to write this is a special woman who I was not particularly close with, from many many years ago. Back then, I used to commute in a van in Chennai and there were 2 married women who used to get off last from the van. One of them was a young mother with a kid and was expecting her second one and one day she lost her wallet and she couldn't remember where and so she checked with the driver, a very young lad, the next day, if he'd seen it. He didnt have a clue and said he didnt see anything and the matter seemed settled. However after the incident, we saw a visible change in the driver. Previously a punctual, neatly dressed and soft spoken chap, after this incident, he started behaving a little weird and started singing songs loudly and used to be late and got into fights with the owner often, who also used to travel with us. One day he came drunk and he missed bumping the vehicle twice and since it was only women in the van, we stopped the vehicle midway, asked him to get off and demanded an explanation. This lad just ignored us all, went to this woman, broke down into tears and said "Madam I didnt take your purse, I havent even seen it". This woman was taken aback, took her time to recover and said "But I had long forgotten it - I believed you". And then he said, "Madam  just got the feeling you are still suspecting me", to which she said the most unforgettable lines "See, I am a mother and at my age, I can only see every other person as my own child, I believed you, like I would believe my own son. So please forget about it."

Mind you, she was a young mother in her early thirties and he a boy in his early twenties.., by any equation she really didnt fit the bill as his mother. But thats what motherhood should do to you, to me...what is so great about feeling overwhelming affection for your own..? Motherhood should connect you with a familiarity and an instinct that is deeper and more purile than blood, a feeling that no matter what and who, all children come through this wonderful process, that you so enjoyed and cherished.

When you appreciate the process and loved being a part of it, it does not matter who or whose the product is. Motherhood needs to be that catalyst, just that, the rest is blah blah blah....

What do people really mean when they say "Dont have too many expectations?"

Well as far as I remember it...I have never said it... I mean its not my natural thing to say that! But I know of a lot many people who say "Well dont expect too much" and say it way too often - even sometimes out of context... C'mon its the human nature to expect or atleast be curious of what the outcome will be for his actions/someone else's actions. And if you are an optimistic person, you are bound to have expectations. I mean what kind of person says, "well yeah I have done my bit, but I really dont expect much."

Even the most sage-like people I know have great dreams, great ambitions - they are brimming with boundless zeal and energy and am sure "Dont expect too much" is not their driving force.

So what's wrong with expecting the best, nothing but the best and fighting against mediocrity? People who expect are also people who can give, who can go that extra mile.. because they are conscious that they have expectations to live upto as well.  It doesnt scare them to try - well they'd die if they dont, because expectations keep them going, not so much the others' as much as theirs! And a person who doesnt set expectations for himself is living a lie... God save him..his life is a pity!

So next time, I am not going to let people look me down by saying "Dont expect too much"...I will just look back squarely and say - "I'm really sorry for you".