And I thought I went astray...

Now what's the most memorable time in anybody's life? At the cost of generalization, I would say that it damn well be your school/college days. And the most colourful memories happen not when you were goody-two shoes, or played it safe or had the perfect track record, if you know what I mean. The most touching memories occur when, in others' words, you did the unthinkable... You got into bad company or fell in love with the professor, or started flirting or took to the puff, or the booze or the crack... I mean based on the circumstances, you just were the first to break tradition in your "group".

And back then, what a shame it must have been to live or come out of it, when you finally were shaken off your euphoria, you must have thought that "I should have played it safe", "Should never have left my trusted gang, "Never should have deviated from the beaten path"...  I did too. And I thought I went astray and by doing the "unthinkable" I betrayed my friends, my family and myself.

When I think back now, I feel a sense of remorse. I feel maybe I didn't really go all out! Why did I hold back? Should have been more exploratory... Should have risked much more... Because that's the stuff movies are made about and books are written about, not about some perfect person who did stuff that neither shocked others nor themselves. What's the point in looking too far or too often before you leap, chances are you may never leap at all. But no matter how you landed or bumped or crashed, the way you get up and beat the dust off you and walk again is what you really are and eventually become!

One life, few escapades and fewer chances... Living life to the fullest - have actually never seen anyone regret it! One day, you might actually recount those 'cock and bull tales' to your children with a great tinge of pride and 'I did those things too' tone.... I know I will and my kid will know that I was not this sad person all the time... She will know I had my moments, my stories and my chances.... But I doubt if she'll ever think my mom had gone astray...

Things I learn everyday from my little girl...

Parenthood teaches you a lot of things... but invaluable are those that your children teach you. I've heard that ideal parenting is when we internalize and nurture the childlike nature of our kids and not the other way around. Parenthood is about getting back to basics - a reminiscence of the time when life was about living and not fire-fighting.

My girl, all of 3 years, is a sensitive and independent person and I value her opinon and outlook on many things. Well she does have them! She is an exciting mix of two diverse worlds - that of me and my husband and she brings to the table a sense of equilibrium and well, she is a happy child...

Things I learn everyday from her. Mind you this is no particular order or flow:

1. You can love a person unconditionally.
2. It is really not that difficult to forgive people.
3. When in doubt, ask yourself some basic questions. For instance, when I tell her that I had a quarrel with her dad and I am upset, she listens and just asks.., " So dont you love dad". A profound and basic question and end of conversation.
4. It is possible to speak your mind and be charming as well.
5. Whether you eat a simple meal at home or are at a party or buffet, you pretty much should just eat the same quantity of food. Availability is not directly proportional to need.
6. That asli mazaa 'Sabke saath hai"....When it comes to being happy, people and not material things matter.
7. That special words and special gestures need to be reserved only for a handful of special people.
8. That charm, not looks is irresistible. But damn, she is a looker as well.
9. A smile and the honest truth can diffuse any degree of tension.
10. That no matter who is at the door, a janitor or a maid or a guest or a child they really ought to be invited in and offered a seat in the drawing room.
11. That it is perfectly normal to not understand God.
12. That when people come to you with problems, they most need your reassurance and not your solution. Like whenever I tell her a problem, she almost always says, "But Mama I am your friend and I love you".
13. That promises need to be kept and you shouldnt lie to people who matter.
14. That its not really easy to say "Sorry", but well its the easiest way to make the other person feel better.
15. That people need to be tackled in different ways - Things that work with dad, dont work with Mom.
16.  That leadership is not about size or ability, it is about the way you inspire others and frankly, about being a little bossy too.
17.  That when it comes to clothes, mix n match works better.
18. That white pulao tastes better than biriyani and boiled eggs are better than double fry.
19.  That no matter what people say, when it comes to food, go by your own instincts
20. That love cannot be taken for granted, especially with mom.

I love you, little one. You have made me a better person, next step seems to be a deserving mom...

Momma Momma!

Most women, including me, brag about how beautiful a phase is motherhood...what a special feeling it is.. how we have evolved as a person, how we have become more patient and caring and frankly blah blah blah...

But there's something that bothers me....

I think we all are, irrespective of being male or female, endowed with the capability of feeling 'motherhood'. But yes, it is spectacular to actually feel another living creature, borne of your own passion and fruit (quite literally), ticking inside of you. And without conflict, women are blessed because they can touch and feel this experience, thanks to the several biological changes they undergo, during the process of motherhood. It is much more difficult for men, because they dont really change physically to accomodate parenthood, but yes, that's why when you see them experience it, its very special.

So ok, I hear ya, what's the dispute? But the birthing process itself doesnt make you a "Mother India". Motherhood really ought to hit you, not just when your child calls you "Momma", but actually when you see any child. You should actually feel the familiar stirring, when you see any child of any age, colour and sex.

My inspiration to write this is a special woman who I was not particularly close with, from many many years ago. Back then, I used to commute in a van in Chennai and there were 2 married women who used to get off last from the van. One of them was a young mother with a kid and was expecting her second one and one day she lost her wallet and she couldn't remember where and so she checked with the driver, a very young lad, the next day, if he'd seen it. He didnt have a clue and said he didnt see anything and the matter seemed settled. However after the incident, we saw a visible change in the driver. Previously a punctual, neatly dressed and soft spoken chap, after this incident, he started behaving a little weird and started singing songs loudly and used to be late and got into fights with the owner often, who also used to travel with us. One day he came drunk and he missed bumping the vehicle twice and since it was only women in the van, we stopped the vehicle midway, asked him to get off and demanded an explanation. This lad just ignored us all, went to this woman, broke down into tears and said "Madam I didnt take your purse, I havent even seen it". This woman was taken aback, took her time to recover and said "But I had long forgotten it - I believed you". And then he said, "Madam  just got the feeling you are still suspecting me", to which she said the most unforgettable lines "See, I am a mother and at my age, I can only see every other person as my own child, I believed you, like I would believe my own son. So please forget about it."

Mind you, she was a young mother in her early thirties and he a boy in his early twenties.., by any equation she really didnt fit the bill as his mother. But thats what motherhood should do to you, to me...what is so great about feeling overwhelming affection for your own..? Motherhood should connect you with a familiarity and an instinct that is deeper and more purile than blood, a feeling that no matter what and who, all children come through this wonderful process, that you so enjoyed and cherished.

When you appreciate the process and loved being a part of it, it does not matter who or whose the product is. Motherhood needs to be that catalyst, just that, the rest is blah blah blah....

What do people really mean when they say "Dont have too many expectations?"

Well as far as I remember it...I have never said it... I mean its not my natural thing to say that! But I know of a lot many people who say "Well dont expect too much" and say it way too often - even sometimes out of context... C'mon its the human nature to expect or atleast be curious of what the outcome will be for his actions/someone else's actions. And if you are an optimistic person, you are bound to have expectations. I mean what kind of person says, "well yeah I have done my bit, but I really dont expect much."

Even the most sage-like people I know have great dreams, great ambitions - they are brimming with boundless zeal and energy and am sure "Dont expect too much" is not their driving force.

So what's wrong with expecting the best, nothing but the best and fighting against mediocrity? People who expect are also people who can give, who can go that extra mile.. because they are conscious that they have expectations to live upto as well.  It doesnt scare them to try - well they'd die if they dont, because expectations keep them going, not so much the others' as much as theirs! And a person who doesnt set expectations for himself is living a lie... God save him..his life is a pity!

So next time, I am not going to let people look me down by saying "Dont expect too much"...I will just look back squarely and say - "I'm really sorry for you".

Are you the detail oriented or the BIG PICTURE guy?

Detail-oriented is a great term to describe a professional, in fact I see many a recommendation on Linked In laced with this adjective, many a resume boasting of this quality and many a people who value this virtue...

But I got thinking - what is being detail-oriented - is it that you have all your 'i's dotted and 't's crossed, you have all your risks predicted, you have all your preps ready and you have accounted and taken care of every single detail to the smallest T, what then? So whats the opposite of being detail oriented -  someone who takes things as it comes, someone who's "on the spur" guy, never predicts, never does his homework, never is prepared..... Having said that - I realized that not all your jobs require you to be a detail oriented person... Yes, there are some roles, some jobs where details to the end is everything - for some where the purpose is certainly the BIGGER aspect.

It is insulting and disrespectful to work with someone who feels there's no need to come prepared for a meeting, who doesnt believe in setting the context, whose paperwork is full of mistakes and whose attitude is 'care a damn'. Yes, you need some level of orientation in whatever you do, but does it have to be detailed enough where you lose sight of the end picture, are too stiff to deviate and change course, are too stuck to be creative and innovate and too rigid to unlearn??

I got thinking that detail orientation is certainly not the best of virtues if you are at the top - where you need to be continuously evolving, adapting and unlearning...Most creative, fun guys I know are careless and happy go lucky - you could even get disgusted with their lackadaisical approaches...but that's only till they flash their sparks of geniuses, when all along you've been thnking they havent even been listening. But these guys are tough to work with, they dont fall in line, ask too many apolitical, uncomfortable questions and get killed by routine - not a typical detail oriented guy. They wouldnt care who's sitting in a meeting, maybe not even wat's on the agenda, but then you can hook this guy  and even get him to participate if you can make even one sensible, non-cliched and honest statement.You see, the details the BIG PICTURE guy orients to is different and invisible.

Its been my good fortune to work with some guys who have been detail oriented but never lost sight of the BIG PICTURE, never got caught in quagmires of details.

So what am I? I'd like to work on the details as much as I can.., but being oriented is more important to me!

The Blue Billion rises and drowns the game

First let me start with the disclaimer: I love cricket...but just the game..There were times when I have cried for India and cheered and danced for Her (Her?? Its a men's game silly)...But yeah betting makes a mockery of people's sensibilities and passion. So for me, I love cheering the game but not every other day, considering the countless cricket tournaments that are happening like clockwork round the year.


Just when I thought I lost it for cricket, comes the World Cup to say "How silly" you can never lose it for the WC matches...N cricketing being what it is, is today getting more round tables, more vamps, more moolah and more 'burning questions' (I laugh out silly when I see those captions about cricket on prime-time news channels) than ever. N not to forget, whole channels thrive on the livelihood called Indian cricket...

But what has happened to the game? Well personally from my very limited knowledge and finite love for the game, I feel Indian cricketing is at its bets oops best (that seriously was a typo but when I read it back, I smiled and let it be) today since Paaji's days. We have a team that has a great body language, a captain who's damn comfortable in his skin and can bring the team together whether he performs or not (trust me guys it takes a lot more maturity and world class attitude to be captain and to call the shots, even when your not leading from the front), a coach that everyone seems to be okay with and above all an aggressiveness we never ever had, to play on an international playing field. Today its not fashionable to call the Indian team, the underdogs or Davids.., we dont exude that persona anymore... I will not go into the technicals of strong or not strong batting line up, or poor fielding...I leave it to the round-tables and the vamps... But think about the mind that is Indian cricket..., it is at its strongest and best...That people, is a long way we have come since our last dismal WC performance...sort of 'rising from the ashes'......

In India, everyone is an authority on cricket and a selector and democracy is at its best when it comes to cricket - we ask too many questions, we tolerate too few things and we participate way too often. For once the love of this game will drown this game - the spirit that is (I have no doubt that India will playing cricket for as long as the world remains). But the spirit that we so passionately talk about? When will Indian cricket come of age, when will Dhoni learn, when will they learn to field, when will they stop this, when will they start this and yes the biggest question of all when will Sachin hit his century (its not score kya hua)? Well you wanna know when... when fans start loving the game and not the adrenaline it produces, when fans mature and come of age and know watching cricket cannot be equated to watching a masala movie flick...Dhoni so rightly said.."Play for the game, not the crowds"...A message for the fans!

Only in Indian cricket is a single player idolized and celebrated more than the game. Our Little Master became a demi God, then a God...well I liked it when he was the "Little Master"... That title respected his game and not him. And maybe, who knows, he'd prefer that. With respect to Sachin's innings and records and legacy, I think he has enjoyed privileges and opportunities that no one else has, even during his mean, out of form days simply because he was Sachin, because this is India, because its criminal to omit Sachin even if he's not contributing. And even today, am sure stats will tell you that we have won countless matches because the team came together and exhibited a collective mind and not because of a single century or a single man.

Sorry folks, it annoys me no end when they say its "Lee vs Sachin", or India will win the cup only when there are 11 Sachins..., there is no other international team that will talk like that, even if they had the very icons of cricket on their side. And that, to me is the difference between the Indian team and the others... and not the technicals. With the world concentrating on Sachin, imagine the captain's chore of motivating the others, experimenting and bringing them together to play a game, because he knows that no match can be won by Sachin alone.

Maybe its a mind game after all. The strategy must be "Ignore all else and play your game" ... At an age of natural catastrophes, Indian cricket faces the biggest of all and blissfully unaware too - The Blue Billion Tsunami - if left unfettered, it can drown and wash away the dignity left in the game.

My wish for the Indian Cricket team - Enjoy your game!